Motherhood Journal No. 04

Quick story time.

Child #2 has been waking up unnecessarily early these past few weeks. One morning this week, he awoke from his sweet slumber at 5am, filling the quiet of the morning with noises and many words.

The thing is, I had actually managed to get up earlier than him that day (!!), rejoicing at the thought of a still and quiet early morning to myself. So when he sleepily (and still cutely with disheveled sleep hair) walked into the living room light asking for yogurt, I wordlessly guided him back to his room and laid down with him, hoping to coax him back to sleep.

After just a while, child #1 woke up too, and the two of them were ready to party, all before 6am. The rest of the day involved the usual - touching, climbing, rolling over mama, asking a million questions and requests to "umma, watch this!"

At the height of overstimulation, I remember using the bathroom for a few minutes, and there, the Lord brought the perfect picture of Jesus to mind.

In Luke 8 (also Mark 5 and Matthew 9), the bleeding woman desperately clambers through a crowd to touch Jesus’s robe for healing. Jesus notices this and asks, “Who touched me?”

His disciples make note of the fact that he is in fact, in the middle of a huge crowd, and in effect, say, “Um Jesus, everyone is touching you.”

EVERYONE IS TOUCHING YOU.

So overstimulating it must have been. And yet, our Lord is not clenching his teeth to hold in a volcano of irritation. He doesn’t struggle with it like I do.

Then this second picture was brought to mind: Later on in Matthew 9, Matthew says that Jesus had compassion on the crowd (the same crowd that was TOUCHING HIM) because they were like sheep without a shepherd.

Jesus looked at these wildly needy people and felt compassion toward them. He moved and taught among them with this in his heart. Likewise, our children are needy for us, and this is right. We are their mothers.

Yes, it’s true - it genuinely feels like too much at times, and break is sorely needed. But it’s not because our children are problematic. It’s because we are finite and in need of Christ, ourselves.

Along these years in my walk with Jesus, one of the greatest treasures I’ve found in hardship is the deeper and sweeter communion I get to learn with my Lord.

Ever been betrayed by a friend? Now I know the walk Jesus had to the cross, losing all the loyalty of his friends.

Ever felt lonely and unseen? Now I know a bit more of what Jesus felt hanging on the cross, forsake by the Father.

Ever feel overstimulated by motherhood? Now I know a bit more of the heart of my God, whose compassion for his sheep drove him to lay down his very life for them.

Rejoice with me, mamas trusting in the Lord, that we GET to learn the heart of Christ with each trial he ordains. Drink deeply of Christ and get back in there and love on those kids.